Pray?

Do you ever have that one thing you don't want to pray for? Maybe it hurts too much to even think about. You know you need to give it to God, but you are afraid he might ask you to change something. What if God doesn't take your side? What if He asks you to do something you don't want to do? Are you just content to sit in your misery, anger, stubbornness? Are you comfortable just the way you are, and praying over it could risk your comfort?

There has been many times in my life where the last thing I wanted was to pray over my circumstances. Being a prideful person it's usually because I am afraid I will be wrong. Sometimes I was just mad at a person or situation. I felt justified to sit and stew in my anger; I certainly didn't want to pray over it. If I did it might result in God telling me to get over it and forgive. Sometimes I didn't want God changing me; I wanted him to change that person or that circumstance.

I once refused to pray over a situation and it nearly cost me my marriage. This one always humbles me. Had God not reached out and hit me with an overwhelming conviction bringing me to my knees in prayer, I would be missing out on the incredible marriage I have now. I would be missing out on having my best friend as my spouse. I wouldn't have the two beautiful blessings God gave us named Hayden and Deacon. I wouldn't have the blessed life I have today. All because I was trying to avoid prayer...over a job. Yes, something that might seem small, but to God it was not.

Kerry and I had been married nearly a year when we found out his teaching job had been cut. He looked and looked for a new job, but nothing was panning out. Finally a job opened up and they were asking him to interview for the position. It was obvious they wanted him for the job. You would think I would have been excited or relieved. However, I was angry. This job was 3 hours away from where we currently lived, and I only had 1 semester left to finish my bachelor's degree. I also didn't want to leave Norman. I loved it there and wanted to stay.

I refused to accept that Kerry wanted to interview for the job. I kept begging him to try and find a job where we lived. We fought over the subject. It got to the point where we stopped discussing it because we couldn't without fighting. This was destroying our marriage and I honestly didn't see how we were going to get past it.

During this time I was just angry. I didn't want to pray. I felt justified in being angry and didn't want to chance that God might be crazy and not take my side (yes, I was a tad immature). I wanted God to make me happy and just fix things, but I didn't want to pray.

Fortunately for me after several months of this God decided to break me. He broke every piece of me and I surrendered in prayer. Immediately God revealed how wrong my heart had been. He showed me exactly what to do and how to better love my husband. I knew right then and there that Kerry needed to apply for that job, and even more so that he would in fact get the job. I knew trusting God was better than my way.

Kerry did get the job and for 2 months we only saw each other on the weekends. After I finished my finals that semester I gladly moved. I couldn't wait to be with my best friend every day again. I didn't care about my previous dreams; I cared more about the perfect plan God had for me and my marriage.

God is the creator of the universe and everything in it. Why do we think we know best? Why do we think he cannot handle our prayers? God is always ready and waiting to hear from us. His way is so much better than our own. His way may not always seem fair or make sense to us at the time, all He asks is that we just trust Him.

So I want to encourage you. If you are running or hiding from God. If you are too angry with someone/something. If you've been wrongfully hurt. If you are depressed. If you are afraid of what God might reveal. Go to Him anyway. He can handle it. You can be honest! I cannot tell you the number of times I've told God that I was angry and couldn't change my feelings only to have Him change them for me. He has changed my heart over and over. I know He will continue to do so. But He gives us the choice, go to Him with prayer or do it our own way.

His perfect plan for my life began with me surrendering my heart to Him in prayer.