The Real Deal

A good friend of mine sent me a questionnaire recently asking me questions that pertained to the things I’ve experienced and learned as a Christian. One of the questions made me really think and evaluate the things God has been gracious enough to teach me along the way. I wanted to share some of the most important truths I have learned and cling to. This is the one I’m going to share for today.

Being Authentic. Some of you may be thinking, “Well, of course, that should be a given.” However, for whatever reason this was not a given for me. I became a Christian at the age of 7, but I didn’t really grasp what it meant to be a devoted follower of Christ until my mid 20s. I spent my teen years through early 20s trying to look the part, but it was an imitation the majority of the time.

I was always stressed or frustrated when I didn’t look or act like Christians that I admired. They were so solid in their faith and growing spiritually while I just couldn’t seem to get it together. I remember often thinking or saying “I need to really clean up before I can come to God.” So I would try to “clean up” and when I would fail I would just become depressed or give up for awhile. It was a burden. I claimed to be a Christian, but the majority of the time I felt I was just acting out a part for other believers…and I was a terrible actress (think local commercial or infomercial).

One day my husband came home and told me he felt God leading him into full-time youth ministry. I was excited, but immediately felt so inadequate. Now I really needed to “clean up.” I better learn my Bible front to back, practice praying aloud, and definitely clean up my speech. I had to begin fitting this perfect image of a youth pastor’s wife. Fortunately for me, God was about to shatter my ridiculous and false expectations and begin in me a new and very real journey.

Kerry became a full-time youth pastor a few short months after telling me he felt called to ministry. It was in the early months of our time at our first church that God started to tear apart the false lies I had been telling myself all these years.

I was surrounded by a church family that was very admittedly flawed. They were not perfect and they weren’t trying to play a part. They were who they were, but allowing God to use them for His glory. They were real, authentic.

One day I felt God tell me “Quit trying to look like so-and-so…I created you to be you for a reason…be who you are and let me use you and transform you.” It wasn’t about looking a certain way or saying all the right things. It wasn’t about playing a part. God wanted me to come to him just as I was. He created me. He knows who I really am, it was doing me no good to try and come before him as something I was not. He’s God; He’s not fooled by anything. It was really ignorant and pompous of me to think otherwise.

It was such a burden lifted to know I could and more importantly I needed to be myself. I could be real about my struggles and sins. I could now be me and allow God to work through the real me. No more playing a part. Authenticity was a huge breath of fresh air.

My life hasn’t been the same since. Once I became honest and real with God and others, God has poured out the floodgates. I began keeping a journal/prayer journal right about the beginning of this time. It is a blessing to be able to look back and see all that I have learned, and prayers that have been answered. He has taught me so much, pulling and stretching my faith in many different directions. I am fascinated by what He continues to do in my life. I will never be done learning, growing, or being transformed. It will never be about accomplishing a certain amount of knowledge or maturity. I know that will never happen. Instead, I am blessed to experience the change that God is continually doing in my life.