KERRY: She stole them. No kidding. Now that's love.
I was feeling very disappointed (along with confused) and sad. Do I like this guy? Why do I even care that he has a girlfriend? I had resolved to keep these new feelings I had to myself. I really meant to...
You see, I am what you call a "sleep-talker"...big time. Never before had this been an issue, until this moment in time. I woke up one morning to start the day and Yolanda was more than happy and eager to inform me that I had been talking about Kerry in my sleep. I tried to brush it off, but she kept on and on insisting that I must like him by the way I talked about him in my sleep. Ugh, stupid subconscious mouth. This is so embarrassing! I finally told her I thought he was nice and I did kinda like him, but it didn't matter because he wasn't available. She then smiled a a very devious smile and laughed. Oh lord, please don't tell him! All he needs is to hear that this girl speaks of him in her sleep, then I'll be branded the "psycho." Yolanda is not going to let this one go.
KERRY: To be fair, at this point in the story it's safe to say I had a thing for psychos. It's either creepy sleep-talker or hot dog thief...either way, I've got myself a girl.
I don't remember how long it was after that day, but I remember Yolanda smiling and casually saying "Kerry was asking me about you today." "What?!" Wait, calm down. Don't be so obvious. "Oh yeah, what did he ask?" I was trying to seem nonchalant. "Oh, he asked me if you had a boyfriend...I told him you didn't and then asked him why he wanted to know...he told me he thought you were attractive."
KERRY: Here's free advice, fellas: learn to use the words "attractive" and "hot" differently. They mean different things. Somebody can be hot and not even close to attractive, yet my wife's attractiveness is what makes her hot, ten years and two kids later. So fellas, if she's hot, make sure she's attractive before investing time in her. If she's attractive, she'll get hotter the more you get to know her.
I was freaking out inside. He wants to know if I'm dating anyone?! He thinks I'm attractive?! Is he actually interested in me? Then reality sunk in. He. Is. Not. Available.
A week or so later we took our small summer trip with the Upward Bound students to Tulsa. I remember being incredibly nervous every time I was around Kerry. I remember Yolanda pushing and pressing me to try and sit by Kerry or try and talk to him, but I was way, way too embarrassed (remember the pool incident?). I wasn't about to put myself out there. Especially knowing he was taken. However, after we returned from that trip I was about to receive some great news and to learn that I had more people pulling for me than I had known.
KERRY: When we returned from Tulsa, my fellow male counselors had noticed that I wasn't exactly happy when discussing my girlfriend or when I was actually in her presence (for fans of "The Office", think Michael Scott's relationship with Jan). As a result, they all went in together to get me a calling card (this was still before everyone had a cell phone) to call up my girlfriend and break up with her. So I did...in a conversation that lasted more than an hour...on a pay phone...with half the male students standing around watching the drama unfold.
I was so excited to know he was free of "hot dog queen." But still not sure if he was actually interested in me.
Having full knowledge of "the breakup" put Yolanda into super-matchmaking overdrive. She was so sure we needed to date. I was terrified. I knew how forward she was and I knew she would not rest (regardless of how embarrassing it might be to us) until she made this happen.
My alarm clock went off one morning as it did every day. I dragged my sleep-deprived, grumpy butt out of bed and zombie walked out of my dorm room to start waking up my girl students for the day. When I returned to my room I noticed an envelope taped to my door with my name on it. My heart skipped a beat. I knew it was from him. It read:
Cassie,
In only your first year, you are a model of not only what a PC (peer counselor) should be, but what a person should be. The female students are lucky to have someone like you to look up to.
Even though this is only my first year, the qualities you possess are among those which I hope to incorporate into my attitude; it would be great to recommend that anyone with any amount of experience in this job should take some of the things you do for the kids and use them in their own work.
Kerry Dale
I read it probably 100 times. I read it to make sure I hadn't missed anything. I tried to read between any possible lines. I dissected this letter and came to the following conclusions:
- Kerry is smarter than me...ridiculously smarter...which I like.
- He thinks I am good at my job.
- He is more polite and well spoken than any other guy I had ever been interested in.
- I still can't tell if he is interested.
I decided to write him back. This may be one of the most stressful letters I had ever written. Way more difficult than any paper I would have to write in my college years. I was very aware of how intelligent he was and how average I was. I wanted to use big eloquent words, but I was mortified at the possibility of using a word out of context (something I do often and it is always embarrassing.) Here is what I came up with:
Kerry,
Thanks for the letter. I enjoy being around you and I'm glad that we are getting to know each other a little more. I just think that you are an awesome person (and PC) who I respect a lot. You are the kind of person that people want to be around, and I find myself wanting to be around you also.
Hopefully over the next few weeks we can keep learning more about each other and all of the other PC's. It's hard to believe that the program has went by so fast. I will more than likely apply for this job again next summer. I think this job is one of the best things that I've ever been a part of.
Cassie
I was trying to be as vague as possible. I wanted him to make the first move. (Also reading that letter, I cringe. I wanted so badly to edit it before putting it here on my blog, but it is word for word what I wrote.)
KERRY: Looking back on that first note that I wrote, I can't figure out if I was trying to write the preface for a biographical novel or trying to win a girl's heart. But I was careful with my words; it was, after all, a felony to date a fellow PC during the course of the summer program (OK, not quite, but they made it sound like the punishment was severe). Either way, I knew that first note couldn't cement the budding relationship, but I sure knew that it could kill it before it ever took its first breath.
I promise, I'm about to get to the good stuff...
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