Storms and Scary Prayers

Life has storms. You are always coming out of a storm, in the middle of one, or there is one waiting right around the corner. You can never know for sure when the next storm will hit. I attempt to keep this in mind in my day to day life. I'm not a pessimist waiting for the next bad thing to happen, or living in constant paranoia. I just want to be prepared in my response to those tough times. I know God is there and he will be there to bring me through whatever it is I may face.

With all that said, in the last month I have prayed what I refer to as a "scary prayer." This is a prayer that when I pray it I am in no way comfortable with the response, but I know it will lead to change and growth. I am certain when I pray a prayer of this nature that it will produce things I'm uncomfortable with or even scared of. However, I do not want to become complacent and I need God to make me uncomfortable in order to push me out of my self-consumed little world.

My scary prayer was for God to ruin me, to make my heart break for what breaks his. Now, when I say "ruin" I don't mean asking for God's wrath to take me down (that would be so much more than scary!) I am referring to God ruining me for His sake. I want him to change my heart in ways that I cannot be the same. To not let me settle for anything less that He desires. To reveal things surrounding me that should break my heart. Things I've been content to ignore.

Even though I meant what I said in my prayer, I was most definitely nervous after praying this. I knew it would cost me my comfort. I also knew it had the potential to cause me some pain. I just didn't know how or when.

Now a new storm has come and in the midst of it God has begun answering my prayer. He has broken my heart for Him, and has been tearing away at what needs to be removed. I am experiencing new brokenness. I feel ruined, and cannot be the same. It is painful and uncomfortable, but I am learning a new dependence on Him. It's funny, I always seem to think I know what it means to place my dependence completely in God. Then a new storm hits, and then I realize how much I have to learn and how much more I have to depend.

The storm has not yet passed, not sure when it will. I have no Travis Meyer for these types of storms interrupting my favorite TV show to keep me updated. But, I am taking shelter in God, and while it's pouring outside I am being changed for the better in the process.

So that the tested genuineness of your faith--more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire--may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory.

-1 Peter 1:7 & 8