The Ugly Truth

I re-started my blog few months ago because I felt God pushing me out of my comfort zone to reveal to others what He is continuing to teach me. Although it is difficult and scary at times I feel it necessary to be authentic and transparent about my struggles. This is one of those difficult moments for me, which in itself is revealing of this particular sin.

One day recently I was praying when God forcefully opened my eyes to an area I like to pretend doesn’t exist. I often pray for God to reveal his truths and reveal areas of sin for other people, but when it comes to praying for me I tend to change the wording, “God, make me into what you want me to be” or I simply skip over the part about revealing any sin I may have hidden. I am so nervous and tense when I actually do ask. I’m always hoping there is nothing (which is ridiculous, there is always something). It was in my reaction to pondering if I should or shouldn’t ask God to reveal sin in my heart that he actually smacked me with it. He totally used my prepping panic mode against me. He shed a huge spotlight on my heart even though I falsely believed I was doing a great job of tip-toeing around in the dark.

Pride. Ugh. Such an ugly word. Yet, I continually struggle with it. In all areas of my life, pride is always hoping to take over and often it does. I want to fight pride off myself without any help which is technically pride trying to fight pride! (I know you are feeling very sorry for my husband right about now.) Anyhow, I was sickened to discover pride had become a part of my prayers as well.

Pride and me go way back…I always remember pride being with me. I hate to be told something I’m doing wrong--big or small--I don’t like it. I’m definitely not one of those people that welcome constructive criticism. I really admire those people, (my husband is one that continually amazes me) but I steer clear of things that might require evaluation. I have a few friends that are brave enough to admonish me and hold me accountable, so I tend to try and behave my best and try not to let them see anything that I might need to be corrected on. Oh Lord, help me!

You know what’s ironic: I can’t stand pride, arrogance, or self-righteousness. I am so drawn to humility in others, but I am always fearful of it in my own life. Pride is gross. God hates it. Here are some scriptures about pride:

Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall. Proverbs 16:18 Okay, to practice some humility I have to share a quick story this scripture makes me think of. My freshmen year of college I decided to wear shorts to Sunday night church. My mother never let me wear shorts to church when I lived at home. I was feeling so proud that I could finally make that decision for myself. That night as church was letting out I began walking down the brick church steps when suddenly I began to fall. And fall I did. I fell what seemed like forever, and it was a huge display. I skinned up my hands and knees pretty badly. Everyone saw and it was one of the most humiliating moments I have had.

Okay, back to more scripture:

Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

The Lord detests the proud; they will surely be punished. Proverbs 16:5

You rescue the humble, but you humiliate the proud. Psalm 18:27 (Sometimes by letting them fall down brick church steps.)

Oh, and there are many, many more. Do a search sometime and see how many verses you can find. God is very clear how he feels about pride.

So this is me, revealing my ugly sin of pride—to anyone that chooses to read this—very humbling for me. I have tried to conceal it and refused to acknowledge it for too long. It is past due for me to admit this and give it to my merciful and loving God so He can begin a new work in me and free me from this bondage pride has on my life. I’m sure I have a lot of embarrassing lessons on humility in the near future…