Blog Re-Start

After a few years of blog hiatus, I have decided to dust off my old blog and start it back up. Over this last year I’ve been praying for God to reveal my purpose. I felt as if I’ve been wandering about, trying to figure out exactly how God wants to use me. At times I grew frustrated and depressed not knowing where I fit, but looking back I can see how God used it all to lead me to where I am now.

About a month ago I was driving home and I began reflecting on several things. I had just left a women’s conference and felt God teaching and revealing so much in my own life; things I knew God wanted me to share. I had desperately wanted to share with my group of ladies what God was revealing in my heart and I knew I was supposed to. But, even in just sharing with my own mother and sister-in-law in our hotel room I just could not get out what I truly wanted to say. So I told them I’d write about it when I got home. I have always better expressed myself through writing. I couldn’t wait till I got home to write, but more so I couldn’t wait to share what God had taught me that weekend.

So I did, and several ladies thanked me for sharing with them what God had taught me. I am always so honored and blessed whenever God chooses to use me to help others.

Over the next day, words from trusted friends of mine also began to creep in my mind as well. One friend had been telling me I needed to be teaching (insert panic attack here). Let me elaborate: I get extremely anxious even typing the word “teaching.” Anytime I have to even make a brief announcement to a group my tongue swells in size, I get incredibly hot, I always tear up (yes, even if it’s not sad,) I cannot maintain any sort of eye contact, and I absolutely cannot say what actually needs to be said. I’m so uncomfortable even thinking about it. But I knew it was there in my head for a reason.

I began to sort through it all and suddenly felt God leading me towards writing. Then I actually laughed at the thought. First off, yes I can better express myself through writing, but my grammar and spelling are horrendous at times. Next I thought, "No, this is just me fantasizing about being a writer." I had just been to this amazing event where all these ladies have written books. I tried to brush it off as just a dream. What would I write about? What does this even look like? Letters, blogs, books? I am so not qualified to be writing, my husband, now he is the writer. He majored in English for crying out loud!

I pulled out a note book and began writing. And I wrote and I wrote. I had words spilling out of me. I finally stopped and smiled; could this seriously be it God? I then got out my prayer journal (you guessed it, I can better pray when I write them too) and began to thank God for this new passion burning in me. Still being a skeptic (I can tend to be a doubting Thomas) I told God I needed a sign or some sort of affirmation that this was truly from him and not me just making this whole writing-thing up. I finished my prayer & shortly after I received a phone call. It was my niece. After talking for awhile we said our goodbyes and before we hung up she quickly said, “Oh, I read what you wrote, it was really good. “I can totally picture you as I’m reading it, with your facial expressions and everything.” I smiled (trying not to explode) and told her “thank-you” and we said good-bye.

I hung up the phone and just praised God for giving me affirmation, especially when I doubted. He did not have to do that, but He did. My God is awesome like that.

Some of you may laugh, knowing how unqualified I am to be a “writer.” And I will tell you up front, I certainly do not label myself a “writer” (especially since I love to start sentences with conjunctions). I am simply sharing in the best way I can what God is teaching me. I am a very imperfect girl (yes I am still a girl, even if I am 30) but I love my God. I want to glorify Him with my life and be the person He has called me to be. I mess up daily—which you will find out if you continue to follow me—but fortunately I am a sinner covered by grace. I love to encourage and help others, and I pray God will use me to do that with this blog. I can only be obedient to what He calls me to do; we’ll see together where that leads.