Hayden and I hadn't had a mother/daughter day since Ainslee's arrival three months ago. So last Saturday I was determined to take her out on the town for a few hours of fun, just the two of us.
We went shopping, found some cute leggings (she was bummed we couldn't find matching ones...me, relieved,) and then headed to a restaurant to eat lunch and chat it up. It's rare that Hayden gets my undivided attention these days, and the girl loves to gab. So I try to provide time for just the two of us when I have the opportunity.
I'm always curious to know what exactly school is like for her. What is it like to be her? What it's like in her classroom? Who did she play with? What is she learning in music class? How was the bus ride home?
As many similarities as Hayden and I have, there are just as many things we do not have in common. It's the things we do not have in common that intrigues me, and makes me admire and respect her.
The thing that fascinates me the most is how she handles conflict and criticism. This is an area, where as a child, we are opposite.
I was terrified of conflict or criticism from my peers as a child. I was super uncomfortable with someone being mad or not liking me. I went out of my way at times to please girls that were mean to me. It definitely ruined my entire day if another girl wasn't nice to me.
While we were eating and conversing, I was staring at Hayden. I am in awe of how beautiful this child is. Hayden has perfectly placed freckles on her cheeks and nose. Those freckles are one of my favorite features on her. I said aloud to her (as I have many times), "Hayden, I love your freckles." She replies with, "Girl in my class looked at me one day and said, 'I'm so glad I don't have freckles.'"
I pause.
I try so hard not to react.
But, I'm fuming inside.
I'm crushed.
How can this girl look at my daughter's freckles, then look her in the face and say, "I'm so glad I don't have freckles?"
It's mean.
You know what I would have done as a young girl? I would've been dying inside, wounded, but I would've said, "I know, I hate my freckles, you are way prettier than me." Then I would've let it bother me for months.
What does Hayden do? She brushes it off, she loves her freckles too. She knows this girl isn't ever going to pay her a compliment because she always insults everything Hayden does. She doesn't let this girl's words dictate how she will feel, or change her mind on how she sees herself. She doesn't try to please this girl...ever.
I asked her, do you play with her on the playground? "No, I play with 'other girl'...she is really nice." Then goes on and on about all the things her and nice girl talk about or play. She doesn't even look back or reflect on the part of the conversation where she told me a girl trashed her gorgeous freckles.
I know in the moment when mean girl says those types of things Hayden isn't a fan of it. But, she doesn't agree with it. She never believes it. She's not going over the top to please this girl to try and make her like her.
No, she does what I always wish I had done in those early years. She tries to remain polite, (she's not perfect, she's snapped back a time or two) and she chooses to instead hang out with the nice girl that likes Hayden for Hayden.
I'm so proud of her.
I admire her.
I respect her.
I look up to her, even though she's a foot shorter than me.
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